something for the week

Monday, monday... my system finaly decided to show me that its still important, it refused to start up, so i had no other option than to format it. i lost all my songs, videos, pictures (chei, that one pain me sha!!!), term paper drafts, assignments and my project materials. im still in shock believe me. i have vowed NEVER to buy any HP product AGAIN!!! See these oyibo people ehn, they want to ruin my life, but God pass them. Right now, im in one seedy cafe at anatomy gate (the side gate of UNIBEND) next to some lads filling their jamb forms online (gosh, do people still write that exam) and one "yahoo boy" that has started asking me when im sleeping so he will use my laptop to browse, im praying to God that the police or "the real owners" of the laptop dont come and collect it from me who just happens to "hold it" for them. yes, one cow died behind my faculty over the weekend and trust unibend authorities, they refused to remove the carcas (hope i spelt that right if not, na una sabi!!!) anyway where was i, yes so they turned us to ninjas, see everybody with hankies over their noses even. even some kind gals wey their body/hair odour deh compete with the smell also cover their nose (chei, i don see things oh!!!) i can still taste the smell (if there is anything like that) of the dead cow and i deh tell my papa say na school i come...
Back to reality... ive managed to get the bulk of my materials sha, frankly, im in no mood to post anything as im tired, confused, fustrated... anyway i just wanted to share this wondaful piece from someone i cant get enough of (pity he doesn't blog anymore) MR FINEBOY. Enjoy.

Son of my Father....

I was awoken by a phone call from my popsi this morning men. Omo! The man called at like 7.30, and I was still half-way in dreamland when the man started . See, my pops doesn’t just call to talk . The guy go use grammar explode your head! Na so the guy wan use English dabaru my brain today o.

Popsi: Well, son, what are your instincts about the Atiku fiasco? Nigeria is markedly facing an irrevocably devastating cataclysm no matter how much these bloody despots try to dress the situation up……..

What??? Men, me I’m having a hard time deciding between scones and eggs or yam and corned beef for breakfast, and this baba is talking politics this early momo. Since I started my master’s at this school sef, my popsi has just started seeing me as some young genius that he can be discussing current affairs with. I wouldn’t even mind if the guy didn’t use all these words to finish me! Ah ah!

Me: Yeah Dad, it’s a pretty sad situation.

Popsi: Of course it is son, but what are your thoughts? You as a third world youth, surveying the world through the eyes of one who is not only an envoy in the diaspora, but also a citizen and denizen of both civilizations. Your perspective is particularly unique in terms of your intrinsic loyalties, isn’t it? Your birthplace in the west and your so called motherland in the third world must make the reconciliation process a battle…….

Chei! This man men! Omo, this guy should leave me alone! All this grammar! I just mumbled something about the whole world being in trouble, and said I had to hurry up and get ready for an early morning class. After I dropped the phone, I swear I almost had to pour cold water on my head because it was sizzling!

Popsi men, the guy na one kin’ guy. When I wrote my personal essay for my master’s, I sent it out to him and my older siblings to edit. Meeeeen! If you see the way the baba scatter grammar for the thing eh? As in, I got his comments back and I was confused. The guy wanted to wound me with oyinbo o. I didn’t even bother trying to decipher what the hell he was trying to say in the e-mail men. That’s how I would have asked the baba and he would have given more machine gun fire. I just allow am men.

I think my popsi’s employees have suffered it the worst.

We used to have one driver like this, Mr. Sunday. Just remembering the dude is cracking me up. He was short and stocky, with a thick neck and a basketball head. Remember Giringori from new Masquerade??? The guy looked exactly like him. In fact, maybe na the guy sef.

As in, Mr. Sunday was a character. One day, he came to work, and he had apparently gotten into trouble for something. All I remember was my popsi shouting,

“Sunday, your impropriety and incivility have begun to reach insanely astronomical proportions! Your portfolio of misdeeds is ridiculously embarrassing and if you don’t make an effort to change, you’d end up like just another statistic in the number of employees physically assaulted by their employers. You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself, and this is the last admonishment you will ever get from me, you imbecile!”

My popsi went inside the house.

Omo! Mr. Sunday was dazed. The guy just sat on the pavement, staring into space for a minute. He now started scratching his head with both hands, then started rubbing it, and then finally burst into tears...…as in serious weeping o!

You had to see it to believe it. Our steward, Mr. Morris noticed Mr. Sunday bawling his eyes out and went to find out what was wrong with him. As in, the guy’s shoulders were heaving up and down, and he was mumbling something in Calabar, almost wailing o.

Mr.Morris: Sunday, wetin happen now?

Mr. Sunday looked up at his colleague.

“Ha! Morris! Oga don kill me o.”

Mr.Morris: How oga take kill you?

Mr. Sunday: You dey ask me question....aaaaah.... I say Oga don finish my life patapata. Chineke! My pikin dem go suffer o.....

Mr.Morris: Sunday, no dey cry now. You no know say you be big man? No cry. Wetin happen?

Mr.Sunday: Morris respect yasef o! Respect yasef! I dey tell you say I don die finish, you dey ask me tory. Eeeeeeeeeh! (loud weeping)


Mr.Morris: Sunday, I wan help you now! If you no talk, how person go take help you?

Mr.Sunday: Chinekemeee! Oga don sack me o! Oga don send me comot.

Mr.Morris looked at him in shock. “Sack ke? Wetin you do?”

Mr.Sunday: I no know o……haaaaa (Calabar mumbling)

Mr.Morris: So why oga go sack you? Wetin oga talk gan gan?

Mr.Sunday: Haaaa! Oga swear for my mama and papa o! E just dey fire the English one by one on top my head. Karatimbim, paratombom! Oga swear for me well well! I no hear one thing wey oga talk o! But the grammar wey im use, I no say this one na the battle to end all battles. Help me beg oga, abeg.

That’s how my popsi came back out, ready to leave for work. He saw Mr.Sunday crying on the ground.

“Sunday, are you alright?”

Mr. Sunday lay prostrate on the gravel. The crying now entered full gear.

“Aaaaaaaaaah! Oga abeeeeg sah! Eeeeeeh! Take me back Oga sah. I no go do bad again oga. My papa, God bless you sah. Eeeeeeeeh! I get four pikin….”

“My friend, get up and get in the car! What in the world do you mean ‘take you back’? Who fired you? What a twit!”

Mr.Sunday sprang up, a huge grin across his face. “Na God go bless you oga!”

The funny thing was that Mr. Sunday was actually a very brave guy. He wasn’t afraid to curse people out in front of my popsi o, and the dude had the filthiest mouth ever. He was a short little trouble maker.

I know I’m diverting away from the original topic, but let me yarn you about Mr. Sunday small. Kai, una sef like tory! Anyway, the guy used to harass people on the road all the time, and the guy’s catalogue of curse words was something else. The dude was hilarious.

If he saw a girl walking by in a miniskirt, he would say “See this yeye monkey! Na ashawo o! Na another woman husband she dey follow o!”

The guy would cuss anybody on the road. His usual weapon was the can of insecticide in the glove compartment. If he was cursing somebody out he would shout,

“Wait, wait. I go flit your face now. God punish you!” and would start fumbling around in the glove compartment.

I’ll never forget one incident one morning, on the way to school. Mr. Sunday was driving, I was sat at the back, my brother CM was in the passenger seat, and my cousin Teni was in the back as well. Apparently, some guy nearly hit Mr.Sunday's car. That’s how he started.

“Damboroba! Your mama go die! You dey crase, I know say no be ya fahicle sef! Your papa sef no buy bicycle. Sharrap!”

The other guy looked pissed! He signalled Mr. Sunday to park, so that they could fight, while as usual, Mr. Sunday started fiddling around for his insecticide.

“I go flit your face! Na me go marry ya wife today….come make I flit your face! Yeye man!”

The other guy was unfazed. He shouted at Mr. Sunday to follow him, so that they could park in a nice spot and fight. The guy’s eyes were red o!

The guy made a left, and Mr. Sunday followed him. We were egging him on as well, and he goes,

“Leave am, I go beat am ehn, im mama sef no go know am. Bastard man!”

When the guy wanted to make the next right, he pointed right and trafficated, well in advance. When Mr.Sunday made the right as well, the guy pumped his fist in the air outside his window, as if to say, “Yes! Come on!” The guy was up for it o.

Na so Mr. Sunday begin sweat. The guy in the other car slowed down and trafficated and pointed left. Mr. Sunday attempted to turn right, saying to us “No mind am. If no be say you go late for school eh, I for beat am well well.”

What?? There was no way we were going to let the guy off like that o. All of us just started shouting,

“Noooo!!!! Mr. Sunday follow him, follow him! So you can beat him up and teach him a lesson!”

The pressure was too much, and his pride was at stake. Mr. Sunday reluctantly followed the guy and parked behind him. He was sweating profusely now.

We were just cracking up at this point. The other guy was fuming!!! Kai, this guy was sure to brush Mr.Sunday's life!

The bobo jumped out of his car and bounded to Mr. Sunday.

“My mama? Heh, my mama?”

With one short quick move, the guy had jacked the short and stout Mr. Sunday, lifting him clean off the ground! Chei! Mr. Sunday was shaking like a leaf. I think the dude was even disappointed that Mr. Sunday was such a punk. He goes,“I go break your head today! My own mama?”

Silence.

"Hehn? My mama?"

We heard Mr.Sunday saying at the bottom of his voice, almost whispering,

“Gree me go, bros. Gree me go abeg.”

“Heh???”

“Gree me go, my senior bros. No disgrace me in front my pikins dem.... I just dey make mouth. My mouth too much....”

Oh My God, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life. The guy just dropped Mr. Sunday and spat at him as he walked to the car. When he got into the car, Mr.Sunday didn’t say anything for like 15 minutes. Then when the way don clear well well, he said,

“Na because of una I no beat that man o. Yeye man, im mama for no know am.”

That was Mr.Sunday for you o. Joker.

Anyway, sorry, back to Chief Fineboy. That’s how the man is always using grammar to scatter his employee’s heads o. Even we, his kids, used to be on the receiving end of his oyinbo assaults. We hated getting into trouble, ‘cos he would make you feel like an ass without even touching you.

I remember one time, I went to this party with my older brother and my friend Prettyboy. We didn’t tell anyone we were going out, and when we got home at about 1 am, Chief Fineboy was sitting in the ante-room by the front door, asleep on a sofa. Damn! He had clearly been waiting up for us. As soon as we walked in, he just looked at us, and said “You urchins finally arrive. Welcome home,” and went upstairs.

We were dumbfounded. Thank God! No yawa! My popsi was travelling to the South of France the next morning, and we were supposed to be joining him in two days. We used to go to Provence every Summer for a week before heading to London. Our family always stayed at this villa that belonged to Monsieur Perpignani, Chief Fineboy’s French friend and business partner.

The next morning, I went to say hello to my popsi. That’s how the guy just looked at me.

“Morning. You boys continually choose to act like buffoons. If you want to be buffoons, I will treat you as such. By the way, your France trip is cancelled.”

Yeeeeepa! Men I wan die o! Remember as a kid, all you lived for was your trips abroad during the holidays? Kai, I was gonna go back to school with the same bafs and shoes. That was the worst punishment ever. That was typical Chief Fineboy o. His weapon was always his mouth, and if I start giving you examples of some of his verbal assaults, we go dey here all day.

But I think his worst punishment ever was the 404 episode. Omo men, I’m getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. See, my late grandfather had a Peugeot 404. Before he died, he left it in his will for my popsi. You know those ooooooold 404’s with the diamond shaped headlights? Like 1950 something!!!!!Well, Chief Fineboy loved his popsi to death and was so proud of the fact that his father had left him the car. It was parked in a garage at the house for ages, until one yeye driver that we had, Baba Ala, had a bright idea.

“Eskis sa! That 404 is still very good o! Ejo sah, please give me the car. It’s in very good condition.”

I think my popsi just thought about it, and said….hmm…if the car still ran well, it would be an honour to his father if he actually made use of it instead of just leaving it parked there.

Kai! One day, I was leaving school with Prettyboy (he was coming to my house), when I spotted the car. Hehn!!! It couldn’t be that 404 o! Everybody was walking out of school, and that bastard driver, Baba Ala, had gone and parked the 404 between a C-class benz and a lexus. This couldn’t be happening! Jesus Christ! I was so bloody embarrassed, I just walked past the car. That’s how the guy started shouting o…

“FIIIIIIIIINEBOY!!!!!! Wa o! Je ka ma lo le!!” (Come here, let’s go home!)

Bloody hell! EVERYBODY turned to stare at me and that morrafucka Prettyboy just disappeared into the crowd like he didn’t know me o. Men! I got into the pangolo car, and I think I died. The seats were even high again, so everybody would see you as you rode around in it. All the babes were cracking up, and my rep suffered a devastating blow that day.....chei!

Needless to say I never lived that one down, and I never forgave my popsi. He even tried to give me one yeye explanation.

“When one’s parents bequeath something of such enormous emotional significance, it’s only right to appreciate it and utilise the gift. I hope you shall do the same when I leave the 404 to you, son.”

Yeah right...

getting serious...(i wish)

Hmm…its been one hell of a week!! Approved my project topic (cheers!!!) by the way its….. sha its something to do with the stock market and economic development sha. Why are you looking at at me like that, I have exams and other things to prepare for so my project has to wait. Madam is fine, thanks for your comments last week. Its been make up, breakups and more make ups (gulp… I think I'm in love!) I have been reading like a muda! so i plan to go dark for a while but dont worry i will be back immediately after my exams i promise (scouts honor!) but knowing me I’ll be back here some time next week (mind over body…..) but I promise you, my next post will be so so…

STAY TUNED

The Saga Continues...

Hmm… my life feels like a soap opera these days, right now I’m a mixture of anger, confusion and sadness. Let me let down my walls just this once, like they say, when you have a problem , one of the best ways of solving it is to get it off your chest by talking bout it…

Now I have a confession to make, I’ve never been a “ladies man” per se, in fact there was a time my dad thought I was gay cos I never had any female friends! I was and still am very much of a loner, keeping few friends and even sometimes when some people want to be friendly to me… best put like this, it takes a lot for me to actually be friends with someone, but once we are friends, there is no limit to the things I can do for you. I regard my friends that much! Anyway one of the few things I found out about myself as I was growing up was that while most of my friends and age mates found it very easy or natural to meet someone out of the blue and start chatting, collecting numbers and all, it was near impossible for me to do this. I can actually count the number of gals I’ve walked up to to say hi just for the fun of it. Now I also found out that I'm the kind of person that falls in love so easily, asin its really bad, so its no surprise that all break ups have left me devastated, asin u don’t want to see me after a breakup, no matter how short the duration of the relationship. Now why am I telling you guys this I wonder, frankly I don’t know… I just feel pissed with myself that I keep on falling in love with people that always end up hurting me. I have been hurts so many times that I feel I don’t know how I'm ever going to love someone again. I have been seeing this girl for the past month and the amount of SHIT I've had to put up with ehn, has left me with two choices, break up with her and get on with my life or, wait and see if she… well if she decides to behave herself. Now I really don’t even know why most times people ask too much from me, for God’s sake I'm a freeking human being! First it was the restriction on the level of intimacy for now till we’re fully grounded (whatever she means by that I don’t know, but make she remember say body no be wood oh!!), and I was like “ok, its going to be hard but I’ll try to keep my hands  and lil’ scarlet boy to myself” then she always wants to be around me every single day every single free period even on Sundays, she insists I come join her fellowship and I'm like “o gal, dat one no just fit happen cos if there is anything I can toy with, never my religion”  before you know it, you will be asking me to stop talking to my friends and stuff (gosh, I'm supposed to have a life too you know!!), then the worst part, she's soooo possessive!!! Gosh now I know what chris brown must have been going through, anyway we were only 1 week and trouble reared its ugly head. Now see me see trouble, she invited me to her fellowship on Sunday and normally I would have declined but in the name of “love” I obliged gosh had I known. First the service was supposed to start by 8.am and I was there by 8.15am, (abeg I no try), the person that invited me strolled in by past 10am, and then asked me to join her outside after I had secured a good seat! And I was like “hell no, we will see after service. Now please tell me, what did I do wrong? After service it became a tug of war ehn ok sorry for “abandoning you” na I’m the gal deh use me shine! Ok, my cool side took over oya sorry… I begged this gal till 7 pm. Before she gree, I no try? (two slaps for doing that, twai!!, twai!!)

Wednesday the next week was another thing all together, now I saw her at “main gate” (the campus main gate) and we exchanged pleasantries and all that and the…(deep breath), she told me about a party in Ekosodin (the students village behind school, note she didn’t invite me) and I was like ok, have fun. I called her like past 6 and she still didn’t say anything, ok see me trying to stuff some books in my head, when I get a call, this is past 8 and she’s like come over please I want to se you. Now for those of you that don’t know Unibend, ekosodin is the worst place in terms of security, it has the highest number of cult killings and robberies and to crown it all I’ve lost 3 friends in that hell hole. I find it difficult to go there in the day time talk less of at night, so I’m like “please I’m not sure I will be able to make it” and she’s like “this is a time to show that you really love me”( now due to some recent events I’ve become very paranoid, there are some things I cant no matter what you do or say do) so I was like “I’ll pass” and she was like “ok, I know what to do” and I was like (see me see wahala)“oh gal, do whatever you want to do oh!”. Now tell me, what did I do wrong? I thought she was the one forming Jackie Shan!!! Anyway I was sitting in my room watching Chelsea thrash Liverpool (go blues go!!) when I hear a knock on my door, I open and there stands O looking like I’ve killed her favorite dog, “come in ” I say and she’s like “I want to see you” and I’m like “ok”, so we step outside  and she starts ranting like a real mad woman saying things like  “I came here to shame you since you are too scared to come to ekosodin, I have come here” (na you know the evil spirit weh deh push you), “I’m 10 times of a man than you”(yeah right, try taking a piss standing straight), “I’m so disappointed in you, and you claimed to love me” (cos say I say I love you no mean say I go enter lions den for you ehn!) now don’t get me wrong, I like this gal die but, like my friend will say, love with your heart but at the same time don’t lock out your head. And so the insults kept on pouring and before you know it an hour had passed and when she was spent  (trust me I know better than to trade words with a girl and one on her “period” at that) I saw her back to where she could take a bus home… gosh I miss the old me, the vicious, insultive, crazy lad, where is he (note to self, look for the old scarlet boy, he is greatly needed)

I’m tired, I miss the days when I was single and was responsible to nobody, when I could dress like an “madman” and to hell with everyone, when I could stop and clown around with any gal I happened to meet on the way and not feel as if I was cheating on someone, when I didn’t have to turn to a vampire because of free mid night calls, when I didn’t owe nobody any call, when… I’m just tired, I’ve been looking for a serious relationship for some time but now I’m in one it seems as if I’m not just ready for it and the thought of breaking someone’s heart really pains me…(though, reverse might be the case here) I’m as confused as a dog in a calabar mans kitchen…. Sha lets see how the remaining episodes play out in the series “the life and times of scarlet boy, season 4” in short I’m CONFUSED, TIRED AND SICK OF EVERYTHING!!! Gosh I want to be single again!!

A Letter To My Mum

Dear mom,

It’s been a while; tomorrow will make it 10 years since that fateful morning. I really miss you, I wish you could see me now, I have really changed. I’m now a lot taller, I now keep a beard which I manage to trim when I can. A lot has changed at home oh, Moe, is now a Doctor, yeah she’s serving at Adamawa, and Onasek is in his second year in Unibend, don’t worry I’m looking after him like you would have asked me to. Kings is also a Doctor and he’s also married with a beautiful child, Maris is also married and has a child, Ben is also married and yes with a beautiful baby girl C.E O is also married with a child, Italo is also married with a child and christo is also married, you should see granny, she cant get enough of her grand children and I know if you were here, you would have been so proud of them. Dad really misses you, most times he try’s to hide it but we all see and pretend we don’t know whats up. You are always a reference point on how a good wife, mother and life partner should be.

I made my junior WAEC though and went on to make my WAEC &NECO though I know if you were around, the result would have been a lot better. I am now in my finals, yeah I know its seems like yesterday when you dropped me off in Jos, and as promised I chose Unibend, sorry Uniben but ended up studying Economics And Statistics and not Electrical Engineering as we earlier agreed, I was not just feeling the whole science thing I know you would have understood. I have been diligent in my studies just like you wanted, I copy my notes and do my assignments, remember the time in pry 5 when you found out I wasn’t copying my notes and after a serious thrashing went around looking for my classmates to get notes for me and ended up copying them for me, I haven’t missed a note since then or the time I was asked to repeat my JSS2 because I didn’t make math’s and you took the next bus to Jos to raise hell, only a mother like you would do that.

The church you used to love singing in has been completed (finally), wish you could see it, it’s fully air conditioned and the choir you used to sing in now has new robes (thank God for that). Nobody has been able to fill the soprano part as everyone still says your voice was the best, your friends in the choir are still there and always have fond tales of you, the choir master is still there, at over 80 he is still faithful to his brand, gulder. Lets see… yes, the children’s Sunday school hall has also been completed and plans have been made to fix interlocking pavement stones in front to further beautify the surroundings. Lets see… yes festac has also undergone some major transformations, from bad to worse asin (ooh.. sorry for that) the roads are worse and light is now so bad that everyone now has a generator !

Im sorry I wasn’t at your burial, I haven’t forgiven myself for not coming home even after you asked me to, I was angry at what now is so irrelevant, I have to live with the fact that I was angry with you till you passed. Im so sorry and hope that when I see you again you would be able to forgive me… just know that I will never forget you, everything you have taught me has not been discarded as I still draw wisdom from conversations we had way back and even recently your diaries, I feel most times when I read them we are communicating, you will always be a part of me as I see you everyday, from your photo in my wallet to the portrait in the houses in Benin and Lagos. I have a lot of questions to ask you like why and how… but I will leave them and a whole lot more for the day we finally meet and are reunited once again. I love and miss you so much and trust me I will pass everything you taught me down to my children who will do the same to theirs… My only prayer is that I can find someone as intelligent, beautiful, caring, special… as you. But like they say, you were truly one in a million.

                                             I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MUM!!

                                                                                                                                             Your loving son

                                                                                                                                              Scarletboy

im back

Gosh, its been long oh… I missed blogging (sob) it wasn’t my fault, it was the  devil (yeah right). But seriously, I have been on the verge of loosing it for the past 2weeks. First my phone miraculously restored my messages (believe me im stil in shock), I finaly got someone with windows installation CD and repaired my OS and my PC Is back and better. So I made a promise to myself that if my system works ehn, I will delete all manner of…(ehem) “movies” I had. So see me deleting my “stash” of (ehem) movies and I got so carried away that I deleted my “legal” movies ehn , I lost my transformers 2 that I just downloaded, my x-men  wolverines revenge, even my collectables like season 1 and 2 of the boondocks… gosh I know I shed a tear for my lost films, I short lets observe a moment of silence for my lost movies…………. Thank you. Now the global financial crisis that had eluded me for some time finaly found its way back home. See me running up and down looking for money, my brothers on the other hand now decided that that was the best time to move to new houses and stuff, so automatically that meant nothing from them. The new song is “you know I just moved ” (yeah right but you bought a plasma TV from mega plaza for about 450k) asin im just tired.

Had a very quiet easter, (when ur broke, u wan cough?) and decided that I would rather die in Lagos than in Benin and so I packed my things and took the first (and I mean first) bus out of Benin!! (before you start laughing, I had some things to take care of in Lag oh!) Neway see me feeling like someone that just came from obodo, taking a stroll (my dad’s fine by the way) when I saw some small children that I knew when they were still on pinafore (asin when I finished secondary school they were still on pinafore) ok see me see them, these small shildren  that used to greet me “good morning, uncle” were like “hi” & “whats up” what is the world turning to? ME, SCARLETBOY!!! To greet them (chei I don suffer oh!!) ,these SMALL RATS!!!, because say una don deh grow boil for una chest abi, I no blame una sha. So trust me now, I just nod my head continue my waka…

The project supervisors list of my department has finally come out (abeg make una clap for them oh, mscheeeew) and im yet to get a project topic, but as they will say, when there is a will, there is a way. Im trusting  God for that (ok, now im getting all religious again… ). Sha I hope to post something juicy very very soon. Trust me it will be worth the wait.

From here its ciao.

april fools day hasnt even started and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

im getting fustrated, its like past one on the first of april and im batlin against the forces of evil as something has suddenly posessed my phone and laptop!!! (all my enemies DIE BY FIRE!!!!!!) my laptop refused to install another antivirus and is just in its own world and my phone suddenly corrupted all my messages!!!(SOB SOB!!) Now im a collector of text messages so imagine loosing over 600 messages in one night! i nearly smashed the phone but quickly remembered that... well no money to buy another one(SHIT!!!)In short, im so pissed i gont know wot im typing!!!

i stumbled on this note by one of my exschool mates Ivypoems and well... im not much of a poet sha and una know say na expo we deh carry for english class that year (chuckle...) but i know something thats gud and so i decided to share, enjoy...

HE, SHE, YOU AND I ARE ALL LOST

I’m lost because life’s complexity keeps arriving at my doorstep more often than simplicity
I’m lost because she let me in her world and now I’m lost in it
I’m lost because when I go to University I don’t understand most lectures.
You are lost because you keep letting your schooling get in the way of your education
I’m lost because most times I look in the mirror who I see is not who I expected to see
You are lost because you sometimes doubt the Creators amazing grace
You are lost because you are always lusting over the opposite sex
You are lost because you have dreams but you never chase your dreams
You are lost if for one split moment you believed in Darwinism
She’s lost because she’s deeply in love with him; he is just in lust with her bosom
He is lost because he thinks knocking the boots with loads of girls makes him a real man
I’m lost because my parents didn’t teach me anything about the birds and the bees
I’m lost because instead of revising for my exams, but I’m on Facebook constantly refreshing my homepage for updates and news


She’s lost because she thinks she’s hotter than the sun and the world revolves around her big behind
He is lost because he can’t be himself in a world that’s constantly trying to change everyone
She’s lost because she keeps going where any path leads instead of going where there’s no path and leave a new trail
Those couples over there are lost because they are unaware that their hottest love now might have the coldest ending later
I am lost because most times my mind travels like water travels through pipes, leaving me mesmerized and dazzled.


My mate Dave is lost because he keeps letting the few good girls slip through his hands like grains of sand. He is oblivious that a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.
She’s lost because she’s irresponsible, hence she can’t think likely or hopeful of the future
He’s lost because he sees every gorgeous girl as a natural born beehive with honey filled to the top for him to tap some of it
You are lost because you never judge me by my questions, you only judge by my answers. Why?
I’m lost because my lack of clarity about some of my friends’ actions brings about cautious anxiety when I do associate with them
She’s lost because she lacks self esteem, neither does she take pride in how far she has come nor does she have faith in how far she can go in life.
I’m lost because every time she smiles at me, my heart jumps and I’m consumed with shyness plainly because her smile is as bright as a fluorescent lamp
This world is a big place; we all get lost or lose something at some point,
You are not alone,
We can’t help it, 
We just can’t help it.
You think you can control it??? Get lost.

                                                                    P.S

Met someone last week...lets see how it goes, but like one of my personalities will say, she could be the one. only time will tell

100 Truths About Me

filled this on my facebook page and decided to share with you all, enjoy

100 TRUTHS ABOUT ME, SCARLETBOY

1. Last drink? PEPSI

2. Last phone call? ********

3. Last text message? *******

4. Last song you listened to? EVERYBODY KNOWS (JOHN LEGEND, EVOLVER)

5. Last time you cried? SOMETIME LAST YEAR

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice ? NEARLY

7. Been cheated on?? YES

8. Kissed someone?? YES

9. Lost someone special?? YES

10. Been depressed?? YES

11. Been drunk and threw up? ONCE

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. BLUE

13. WHITE

14. BLACK

15.RED

HAVE YOU:

16. Made new friends ? YES

17. Fallen out of love ? YEAH, TODAY

18. Laughed until you cried ? YES

19. Met someone who changed you ? YES

20. Found out who your true friends were ? YES

21. Found out someone was talking about you ? YESSS

22. Kissed any of your friend's? YES

23. How many people in ur class do you want to see after school? LIKE 10

25. Do you have any pets ? NOPE...THERE WAS A DOG ONE TIME

26. Do you want to change your name? WHEN I WAS LITTLE, JAMES SOUNDED BETTER

27. What did you do for your last birthday ? HAD A COUPLA DRINKS

28. What time did you wake up today ? 8.30AM

29. What were you doing at midnight last night ? I WAS IN MY ROOM SLEEPING

30. Name something you CANNOT wait for ? HMM...SURE U WANNA KNOW

31. Last time you saw your father? FEB. 14TH 2009

32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life ? DER SO SO MANY

33. Who are you listening to right now ? JOHN LEGEND

34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom ? YES

35. What's getting on your nerves right now? ? THE FACT THAT I DONT HAVE A PROJECT SUPERVISOR

36. Most visited webpage ? BLOGGER.COM

37. What's your name? SCARLETBOY

38. Nicknames? SCARLETBOY

39. Relationship Status -->? NO COMMENT...ITS COMPLACATED

40. Zodiac Sign ---> LIBRA

41. Male or female or transgendered? HA...MALE

42. Primary----- CHRISTIAN COUNCIL NUR/PRY SCHOOL FESTAC.

43. Middle School ? COMMAND SECONDARY SCHOOL JOS.

44. High school ? COMMAND SECONDARY SCHOOL JOS

45. Hair color ? BLACK

46. Long/medium/short ? VERY SHORT

47. Height ? 6'1

48. Do you have a crush on someone? NAH 

49: What do you like about yourself? (see me see wahala) MYSELF

50. Piercings ? NAH

51. Tattoos ? NOPE... THO IM THINKING OF GETTING ONE VERY SOON...

52. Righty or lefty ? RIGHTY

FIRSTS :

53. First surgery ? AS A BABY

54. First piercing ? NOPE

55. First best friend ? UNA WAN PUT ME FOR TROUBLE ABI?...

56. First sport you joined ? FOOTY

57. First pet ? DOG

58. First vacation? CANT REMEMBER

59. First concert ? CANT REMEMBER

60. First crush ? DAMN...FORGOTTEN HER NAME

RIGHT NOW:

61. Eating..JUST DID

62. Drinking...HELL NO

63. Already missing ? NOBODY IN PARTICULAR

64. I'm about to ? LISTEN TO MUSIC TILL I FALL ASLEEP

65. Listening to ? JOHN LEGEND

66. Thinking about ? MY CLASSES TOMOROW

67. Waiting for ? NEPA TO PERFORM THEIR MAGIC

YOUR FUTURE :

68. Want kids? ? WHY NOT

69. Want to get married? ? HELL YEAH

70. Careers in mind ? PROFESSIONAL ECONOMIST/CHATERED FINANCIAL ANALYST/GO MILITARY

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

71. Lips or eyes ? LIPSSSS

72. Hugs or kisses ? KISSES

73. Shorter or taller ? SHORTER

74. Older or Younger ? INDIFFERENT

75. Romantic or spontaneous ? ROMANTIC

76. Nice stomach or nice arms ? NICE STOMACH

77. Sensitive or loud ? SENSITIVE

78. Hook-up or relationship ? RELATIONSHIP

79. Trouble maker or hesitant ? TROUBLE MAKER

HAVE YOU EVER :

81. Drank hard liquor ? HMM...LETS SEE...IF UR COUNTING BEER THEN ITS YES!!!

82. Lost glasses/contacts ? NOPE DONT USE EM

83. kissed on 1st date – YESSS

84. Broken someone's heart ? YES

85. Had your own heart broken ? YES

86. Been arrested ? ONCE

87. Turned someone down ? YES SURE

88. Cried when someone died ? YESSS

89. Liked a friend that of the same sex? NAH...I DONT SWING THAT WAY

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself ? YES

91. Miracles ? YES

92. Love at first sight ? NOPE

93. Heaven ? YES

94. Santa Clause ? NO I RESEMBLE MUMU?

95. Kiss on the first date? YES

96. Angels ? YES

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? ? YES

98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? ? NOPE

99. Wish you could change things in your past?? YESS

100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths? ? YES

Conversations by 2 am, over some packs of Don Simon

Scarlet boy’s Room

Scarlet boy: guy u know say u deh fuck up?

Bed bender: how?

S B: you just allow that gal waka yesterday

B B: ha, you no see the way she deh look like lioness, abeg oh no be me go turn into im surrogate papa oh

Pot Bender: shut up, u too deh give excuse self

B B: see who deh…

All: SHUT UP!!!

SB: today Na she deh look like lioness, yesterday, Na she’s too fair, the other day Na I don’t like big (fat) girls. U Na Gaylord or gay-brel?

BB: (turning to g.3) but you know say me I deh track…

MOUTH Bender: why you deh involve me for this matter? See me see trouble, I deh play my psp je je, na im you involve me. Abeg guy face front!!

BB: oh, because say I deh involve this weak guy make e be say e deh try na why u deh get mouth ehn

SB: Na true self, I never see g.3 with anybody since our 100l, u Na confirmed Gaylord!

MB: Ur papa Gaylord, you know how many people I don follow

BB: enh now, Ur girlfriend Na Ur left hand now, you think say I no know how u deh polish that rocket…

PB: see who deh talk, (to BB) you weh I catch deh come from oluku, lie say Na food or suya you go buy

BB: you know say the suya for there make sense…

PB: shut up jo, u leave like 5 suya stands for main gate, enter okada 100 naira go oluku just for suya!! You think say na ta ta you deh follow talk ehn, see this odeku!!

SB: alright, let’s not get too carried away, remember its BB we were questioning

PB: oyibo, u go fear Ur head, abeg speak broken before u start to deh convulse

BB: SB, you self when be the last time I see you with woman, Na im you deh form advocate and moderator…

SB: oh, now you no deh see me abi? But e better pass pesin weh dem deh slap on a constant basis

BB: slap who?

SB: shut up! You think say I no deh there when that tall girl slap you last week. When you go deh talk like small pikin why dem no go deh slap you on a kentro level. E good as them deh slap you sef, make e deh format that Ur rusty nut weh you deh call your brain

PB: SB, you sef no be you go write exam for that runs girl weh no even drop anything for you at the end of the day

BB: Na true oh! You no fit even collect kanda ehn, you write exam for runs girl, bobby u no even press kai see mumu oh!!

(All except SB laugh)

SB: ooh, Na fuckup’s we deh talk about ok. You weh deh laugh (@ MB) no be you weh that combelina say make u straf weh you run comot say ur mama say make you no deh do, (PB@) you nko? No be you go party for our first year with textbook and you (@BB) no be you weh go press that girl nyash during clearance weh she catch you give you correct slap with her pam slippers. You suppose change your name to slapee since ur calling na slap collecting

MB: ooh, na old gist you wan deh bring up abi? Make we start, no be you weh Barbie throw comot from her room say u deh trespass

(All laugh)

MB: speaking of which, omo una don see Barbie of late?

BB: omo, dat girl don babe up oh! (@ S.B), if to say u no behave like dog ehn correct BINGO that year, na you for deh enjoy that meat

SB: ehn I know say I fuck up that year, but I no deh carry am enter my final…

Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!!!...

Hmm...

This past week has been a funny one. Against my better judgment and every fiber in my being I got myself the cartoon series “avatar: last of the air benders” and went on an avatar watching marathon. Every minute spent not receiving lectures was spent in front of the TV watching it (of course when nepa decides to show us some mercy and the gen manages to behave) speaking of which, this gen ehn! It’s as if it has a mind of its own. Today it’s the carburetor, tomorrow it’s the piston, next tomorrow it’s the fuel tap… the only time it manages to “behave” just know something in the room is going to blow! I lost nothing less than 4 chargers including a friends laptop charger to that beast, this semester so far it has blown 2 DVD’s and is still counting! The funniest part is that when I’m alone it works well but once anyone pays a visit it will start alternating from super low current to ultra high and the next thing POOF!! Something’s on fire. I have contemplated throwing it away but the gen and my roomie have this bond so… ehem back to my story…. Yes the avatar, I became so engrossed that I forgot I had an assignment due Thursday, and its only residual knowledge that saved me cos the time frame was too short and… (Sha the important thing is that I did it). Then how I knew it had become serious was when I started giving people names like “bed bender” to one of my randy friends, “pot bender” to one that is always hungry and some that I’m even too ashamed to mention! I don’t know the evil spirit that sent me to watch it ehn, now I’m scared to sleep cos every time I do I see myself as a avatar-Jedi knight flying and killing baddies and… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

So me and the boys decided to hang out on Friday, since there was no one to “warm our beds”(lol) and you go fear “boys gone wild!!!!” see grown men stomping, dancing to tunes inside their heads, and pocketing bottles… Gosh, It was so funny cos I was like an observer laughing my ass off the whole time and even giving them some “useful” tips like “climb the table” or ”men…that girl deh scope u, oya approach am …”(I managed to stay sober cos of a very embarrassing moment I had some years ago when I… nah, too embarrassing. Sha it taught me a very valuable lesson, STAY IN UR SAFE ZONE!!! Which I eventually exceeded.) How I got home is still sort of hazy but I think I undressed on the way home cos my shirt was hanging on the line outside and I was down to my boxers and… yes my belt was in the bin… Shayo no good oh!!!

Today (Monday) is matric and once again Unibend has won the battle to bend some more people's lives, don’t know why we still remain the no.1 school of first choice asin if I was asked to go back in time and choose another university, and well…let’s say Unibend won’t be on my first 5 schools. Sha happy matric to the 100l students and here’s wishing you at least 4 “bendful ” years. Enjoy

P.S

Lost my aunt last week. Though we were not that close sha I’ve just been feeling bad… and chelsea have done it again!!! those mo fos couldnt win a game even with a man sent off!! In short eyimba, here i come (just kiddin) but seriously, chelsea COME ON!!

Some things i hate about...........ME!!!

I have been doing some thinking of late and i've just been re-evaluating and evaluating and making plans and... anyway i made his list sometime last year and i've kept on adding to it till now. i will still make some changes in the near future...


Things I Hate About Myself
1. I get easily depressed
2. Most times i think the whole world hates me...
3. I fall in love too quickly
4. Im very vindictive(sorry, i've realy tried to work on this...)
5. I have ''complex'' sometimes
6. I loose intrest in people and things quickly
7. Not too much of a smooth talker
8. I can get ''over zealous'' for the wrong things and reasons sometimes
9. I give unnecessary attention to some irrelivant things so many times
10. I feel i talk too much (like the saying goes all talk and...)
11. I set very high standards for everyone especialy when i like you (refering to members of the opposite... aah girls ok)
12. I expect too much from people
13. Im too much of an introvert (i keep to myself a lot quoting one of my friends ''i push people that want to get to know me away'')
14. I talk to myself a lot
15. im very critical of things, asin its hard for me to see the bright side of things i like looking for (gulp!) the faults and analyzing them
16. i think i have ocd, i cant stop myself from arranging my room, books, clothes, pens, toiletries...

Gosh i really have some issues!!!!!!!!!