Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Saga Continues...

Hmm… my life feels like a soap opera these days, right now I’m a mixture of anger, confusion and sadness. Let me let down my walls just this once, like they say, when you have a problem , one of the best ways of solving it is to get it off your chest by talking bout it…

Now I have a confession to make, I’ve never been a “ladies man” per se, in fact there was a time my dad thought I was gay cos I never had any female friends! I was and still am very much of a loner, keeping few friends and even sometimes when some people want to be friendly to me… best put like this, it takes a lot for me to actually be friends with someone, but once we are friends, there is no limit to the things I can do for you. I regard my friends that much! Anyway one of the few things I found out about myself as I was growing up was that while most of my friends and age mates found it very easy or natural to meet someone out of the blue and start chatting, collecting numbers and all, it was near impossible for me to do this. I can actually count the number of gals I’ve walked up to to say hi just for the fun of it. Now I also found out that I'm the kind of person that falls in love so easily, asin its really bad, so its no surprise that all break ups have left me devastated, asin u don’t want to see me after a breakup, no matter how short the duration of the relationship. Now why am I telling you guys this I wonder, frankly I don’t know… I just feel pissed with myself that I keep on falling in love with people that always end up hurting me. I have been hurts so many times that I feel I don’t know how I'm ever going to love someone again. I have been seeing this girl for the past month and the amount of SHIT I've had to put up with ehn, has left me with two choices, break up with her and get on with my life or, wait and see if she… well if she decides to behave herself. Now I really don’t even know why most times people ask too much from me, for God’s sake I'm a freeking human being! First it was the restriction on the level of intimacy for now till we’re fully grounded (whatever she means by that I don’t know, but make she remember say body no be wood oh!!), and I was like “ok, its going to be hard but I’ll try to keep my hands  and lil’ scarlet boy to myself” then she always wants to be around me every single day every single free period even on Sundays, she insists I come join her fellowship and I'm like “o gal, dat one no just fit happen cos if there is anything I can toy with, never my religion”  before you know it, you will be asking me to stop talking to my friends and stuff (gosh, I'm supposed to have a life too you know!!), then the worst part, she's soooo possessive!!! Gosh now I know what chris brown must have been going through, anyway we were only 1 week and trouble reared its ugly head. Now see me see trouble, she invited me to her fellowship on Sunday and normally I would have declined but in the name of “love” I obliged gosh had I known. First the service was supposed to start by 8.am and I was there by 8.15am, (abeg I no try), the person that invited me strolled in by past 10am, and then asked me to join her outside after I had secured a good seat! And I was like “hell no, we will see after service. Now please tell me, what did I do wrong? After service it became a tug of war ehn ok sorry for “abandoning you” na I’m the gal deh use me shine! Ok, my cool side took over oya sorry… I begged this gal till 7 pm. Before she gree, I no try? (two slaps for doing that, twai!!, twai!!)

Wednesday the next week was another thing all together, now I saw her at “main gate” (the campus main gate) and we exchanged pleasantries and all that and the…(deep breath), she told me about a party in Ekosodin (the students village behind school, note she didn’t invite me) and I was like ok, have fun. I called her like past 6 and she still didn’t say anything, ok see me trying to stuff some books in my head, when I get a call, this is past 8 and she’s like come over please I want to se you. Now for those of you that don’t know Unibend, ekosodin is the worst place in terms of security, it has the highest number of cult killings and robberies and to crown it all I’ve lost 3 friends in that hell hole. I find it difficult to go there in the day time talk less of at night, so I’m like “please I’m not sure I will be able to make it” and she’s like “this is a time to show that you really love me”( now due to some recent events I’ve become very paranoid, there are some things I cant no matter what you do or say do) so I was like “I’ll pass” and she was like “ok, I know what to do” and I was like (see me see wahala)“oh gal, do whatever you want to do oh!”. Now tell me, what did I do wrong? I thought she was the one forming Jackie Shan!!! Anyway I was sitting in my room watching Chelsea thrash Liverpool (go blues go!!) when I hear a knock on my door, I open and there stands O looking like I’ve killed her favorite dog, “come in ” I say and she’s like “I want to see you” and I’m like “ok”, so we step outside  and she starts ranting like a real mad woman saying things like  “I came here to shame you since you are too scared to come to ekosodin, I have come here” (na you know the evil spirit weh deh push you), “I’m 10 times of a man than you”(yeah right, try taking a piss standing straight), “I’m so disappointed in you, and you claimed to love me” (cos say I say I love you no mean say I go enter lions den for you ehn!) now don’t get me wrong, I like this gal die but, like my friend will say, love with your heart but at the same time don’t lock out your head. And so the insults kept on pouring and before you know it an hour had passed and when she was spent  (trust me I know better than to trade words with a girl and one on her “period” at that) I saw her back to where she could take a bus home… gosh I miss the old me, the vicious, insultive, crazy lad, where is he (note to self, look for the old scarlet boy, he is greatly needed)

I’m tired, I miss the days when I was single and was responsible to nobody, when I could dress like an “madman” and to hell with everyone, when I could stop and clown around with any gal I happened to meet on the way and not feel as if I was cheating on someone, when I didn’t have to turn to a vampire because of free mid night calls, when I didn’t owe nobody any call, when… I’m just tired, I’ve been looking for a serious relationship for some time but now I’m in one it seems as if I’m not just ready for it and the thought of breaking someone’s heart really pains me…(though, reverse might be the case here) I’m as confused as a dog in a calabar mans kitchen…. Sha lets see how the remaining episodes play out in the series “the life and times of scarlet boy, season 4” in short I’m CONFUSED, TIRED AND SICK OF EVERYTHING!!! Gosh I want to be single again!!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

A Letter To My Mum

Dear mom,

It’s been a while; tomorrow will make it 10 years since that fateful morning. I really miss you, I wish you could see me now, I have really changed. I’m now a lot taller, I now keep a beard which I manage to trim when I can. A lot has changed at home oh, Moe, is now a Doctor, yeah she’s serving at Adamawa, and Onasek is in his second year in Unibend, don’t worry I’m looking after him like you would have asked me to. Kings is also a Doctor and he’s also married with a beautiful child, Maris is also married and has a child, Ben is also married and yes with a beautiful baby girl C.E O is also married with a child, Italo is also married with a child and christo is also married, you should see granny, she cant get enough of her grand children and I know if you were here, you would have been so proud of them. Dad really misses you, most times he try’s to hide it but we all see and pretend we don’t know whats up. You are always a reference point on how a good wife, mother and life partner should be.

I made my junior WAEC though and went on to make my WAEC &NECO though I know if you were around, the result would have been a lot better. I am now in my finals, yeah I know its seems like yesterday when you dropped me off in Jos, and as promised I chose Unibend, sorry Uniben but ended up studying Economics And Statistics and not Electrical Engineering as we earlier agreed, I was not just feeling the whole science thing I know you would have understood. I have been diligent in my studies just like you wanted, I copy my notes and do my assignments, remember the time in pry 5 when you found out I wasn’t copying my notes and after a serious thrashing went around looking for my classmates to get notes for me and ended up copying them for me, I haven’t missed a note since then or the time I was asked to repeat my JSS2 because I didn’t make math’s and you took the next bus to Jos to raise hell, only a mother like you would do that.

The church you used to love singing in has been completed (finally), wish you could see it, it’s fully air conditioned and the choir you used to sing in now has new robes (thank God for that). Nobody has been able to fill the soprano part as everyone still says your voice was the best, your friends in the choir are still there and always have fond tales of you, the choir master is still there, at over 80 he is still faithful to his brand, gulder. Lets see… yes, the children’s Sunday school hall has also been completed and plans have been made to fix interlocking pavement stones in front to further beautify the surroundings. Lets see… yes festac has also undergone some major transformations, from bad to worse asin (ooh.. sorry for that) the roads are worse and light is now so bad that everyone now has a generator !

Im sorry I wasn’t at your burial, I haven’t forgiven myself for not coming home even after you asked me to, I was angry at what now is so irrelevant, I have to live with the fact that I was angry with you till you passed. Im so sorry and hope that when I see you again you would be able to forgive me… just know that I will never forget you, everything you have taught me has not been discarded as I still draw wisdom from conversations we had way back and even recently your diaries, I feel most times when I read them we are communicating, you will always be a part of me as I see you everyday, from your photo in my wallet to the portrait in the houses in Benin and Lagos. I have a lot of questions to ask you like why and how… but I will leave them and a whole lot more for the day we finally meet and are reunited once again. I love and miss you so much and trust me I will pass everything you taught me down to my children who will do the same to theirs… My only prayer is that I can find someone as intelligent, beautiful, caring, special… as you. But like they say, you were truly one in a million.

                                             I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MUM!!

                                                                                                                                             Your loving son


im back

Gosh, its been long oh… I missed blogging (sob) it wasn’t my fault, it was the  devil (yeah right). But seriously, I have been on the verge of loosing it for the past 2weeks. First my phone miraculously restored my messages (believe me im stil in shock), I finaly got someone with windows installation CD and repaired my OS and my PC Is back and better. So I made a promise to myself that if my system works ehn, I will delete all manner of…(ehem) “movies” I had. So see me deleting my “stash” of (ehem) movies and I got so carried away that I deleted my “legal” movies ehn , I lost my transformers 2 that I just downloaded, my x-men  wolverines revenge, even my collectables like season 1 and 2 of the boondocks… gosh I know I shed a tear for my lost films, I short lets observe a moment of silence for my lost movies…………. Thank you. Now the global financial crisis that had eluded me for some time finaly found its way back home. See me running up and down looking for money, my brothers on the other hand now decided that that was the best time to move to new houses and stuff, so automatically that meant nothing from them. The new song is “you know I just moved ” (yeah right but you bought a plasma TV from mega plaza for about 450k) asin im just tired.

Had a very quiet easter, (when ur broke, u wan cough?) and decided that I would rather die in Lagos than in Benin and so I packed my things and took the first (and I mean first) bus out of Benin!! (before you start laughing, I had some things to take care of in Lag oh!) Neway see me feeling like someone that just came from obodo, taking a stroll (my dad’s fine by the way) when I saw some small children that I knew when they were still on pinafore (asin when I finished secondary school they were still on pinafore) ok see me see them, these small shildren  that used to greet me “good morning, uncle” were like “hi” & “whats up” what is the world turning to? ME, SCARLETBOY!!! To greet them (chei I don suffer oh!!) ,these SMALL RATS!!!, because say una don deh grow boil for una chest abi, I no blame una sha. So trust me now, I just nod my head continue my waka…

The project supervisors list of my department has finally come out (abeg make una clap for them oh, mscheeeew) and im yet to get a project topic, but as they will say, when there is a will, there is a way. Im trusting  God for that (ok, now im getting all religious again… ). Sha I hope to post something juicy very very soon. Trust me it will be worth the wait.

From here its ciao.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

april fools day hasnt even started and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

im getting fustrated, its like past one on the first of april and im batlin against the forces of evil as something has suddenly posessed my phone and laptop!!! (all my enemies DIE BY FIRE!!!!!!) my laptop refused to install another antivirus and is just in its own world and my phone suddenly corrupted all my messages!!!(SOB SOB!!) Now im a collector of text messages so imagine loosing over 600 messages in one night! i nearly smashed the phone but quickly remembered that... well no money to buy another one(SHIT!!!)In short, im so pissed i gont know wot im typing!!!

i stumbled on this note by one of my exschool mates Ivypoems and well... im not much of a poet sha and una know say na expo we deh carry for english class that year (chuckle...) but i know something thats gud and so i decided to share, enjoy...


I’m lost because life’s complexity keeps arriving at my doorstep more often than simplicity
I’m lost because she let me in her world and now I’m lost in it
I’m lost because when I go to University I don’t understand most lectures.
You are lost because you keep letting your schooling get in the way of your education
I’m lost because most times I look in the mirror who I see is not who I expected to see
You are lost because you sometimes doubt the Creators amazing grace
You are lost because you are always lusting over the opposite sex
You are lost because you have dreams but you never chase your dreams
You are lost if for one split moment you believed in Darwinism
She’s lost because she’s deeply in love with him; he is just in lust with her bosom
He is lost because he thinks knocking the boots with loads of girls makes him a real man
I’m lost because my parents didn’t teach me anything about the birds and the bees
I’m lost because instead of revising for my exams, but I’m on Facebook constantly refreshing my homepage for updates and news

She’s lost because she thinks she’s hotter than the sun and the world revolves around her big behind
He is lost because he can’t be himself in a world that’s constantly trying to change everyone
She’s lost because she keeps going where any path leads instead of going where there’s no path and leave a new trail
Those couples over there are lost because they are unaware that their hottest love now might have the coldest ending later
I am lost because most times my mind travels like water travels through pipes, leaving me mesmerized and dazzled.

My mate Dave is lost because he keeps letting the few good girls slip through his hands like grains of sand. He is oblivious that a bird in hand is worth two in the bush.
She’s lost because she’s irresponsible, hence she can’t think likely or hopeful of the future
He’s lost because he sees every gorgeous girl as a natural born beehive with honey filled to the top for him to tap some of it
You are lost because you never judge me by my questions, you only judge by my answers. Why?
I’m lost because my lack of clarity about some of my friends’ actions brings about cautious anxiety when I do associate with them
She’s lost because she lacks self esteem, neither does she take pride in how far she has come nor does she have faith in how far she can go in life.
I’m lost because every time she smiles at me, my heart jumps and I’m consumed with shyness plainly because her smile is as bright as a fluorescent lamp
This world is a big place; we all get lost or lose something at some point,
You are not alone,
We can’t help it, 
We just can’t help it.
You think you can control it??? Get lost.

Met someone last week...lets see how it goes, but like one of my personalities will say, she could be the one. only time will tell