Conversations by 2 am, over some packs of Don Simon

Scarlet boy’s Room

Scarlet boy: guy u know say u deh fuck up?

Bed bender: how?

S B: you just allow that gal waka yesterday

B B: ha, you no see the way she deh look like lioness, abeg oh no be me go turn into im surrogate papa oh

Pot Bender: shut up, u too deh give excuse self

B B: see who deh…

All: SHUT UP!!!

SB: today Na she deh look like lioness, yesterday, Na she’s too fair, the other day Na I don’t like big (fat) girls. U Na Gaylord or gay-brel?

BB: (turning to g.3) but you know say me I deh track…

MOUTH Bender: why you deh involve me for this matter? See me see trouble, I deh play my psp je je, na im you involve me. Abeg guy face front!!

BB: oh, because say I deh involve this weak guy make e be say e deh try na why u deh get mouth ehn

SB: Na true self, I never see g.3 with anybody since our 100l, u Na confirmed Gaylord!

MB: Ur papa Gaylord, you know how many people I don follow

BB: enh now, Ur girlfriend Na Ur left hand now, you think say I no know how u deh polish that rocket…

PB: see who deh talk, (to BB) you weh I catch deh come from oluku, lie say Na food or suya you go buy

BB: you know say the suya for there make sense…

PB: shut up jo, u leave like 5 suya stands for main gate, enter okada 100 naira go oluku just for suya!! You think say na ta ta you deh follow talk ehn, see this odeku!!

SB: alright, let’s not get too carried away, remember its BB we were questioning

PB: oyibo, u go fear Ur head, abeg speak broken before u start to deh convulse

BB: SB, you self when be the last time I see you with woman, Na im you deh form advocate and moderator…

SB: oh, now you no deh see me abi? But e better pass pesin weh dem deh slap on a constant basis

BB: slap who?

SB: shut up! You think say I no deh there when that tall girl slap you last week. When you go deh talk like small pikin why dem no go deh slap you on a kentro level. E good as them deh slap you sef, make e deh format that Ur rusty nut weh you deh call your brain

PB: SB, you sef no be you go write exam for that runs girl weh no even drop anything for you at the end of the day

BB: Na true oh! You no fit even collect kanda ehn, you write exam for runs girl, bobby u no even press kai see mumu oh!!

(All except SB laugh)

SB: ooh, Na fuckup’s we deh talk about ok. You weh deh laugh (@ MB) no be you weh that combelina say make u straf weh you run comot say ur mama say make you no deh do, (PB@) you nko? No be you go party for our first year with textbook and you (@BB) no be you weh go press that girl nyash during clearance weh she catch you give you correct slap with her pam slippers. You suppose change your name to slapee since ur calling na slap collecting

MB: ooh, na old gist you wan deh bring up abi? Make we start, no be you weh Barbie throw comot from her room say u deh trespass

(All laugh)

MB: speaking of which, omo una don see Barbie of late?

BB: omo, dat girl don babe up oh! (@ S.B), if to say u no behave like dog ehn correct BINGO that year, na you for deh enjoy that meat

SB: ehn I know say I fuck up that year, but I no deh carry am enter my final…

Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!!!...