Gosh, it’s been a week! First I had to go to the computer village in Ikeja, to get another laptop for my younger brother and one of the usual happened, I had just entered the market when someone walked up to me waved his “id card” so fast I swear it didn’t even see it, said he was a police man and that I should identify myself… (Now let’s pause here for a while let me say something, I heard on the radio that morning… I think it was on Brila 88.9fm that the new style these ritualists or kidnappers now get people is to either pose as EFCC officials and form carrying you away for questioning or knock you down with okada, form good Samaritan by offering to take you to the hospital or clinic only for you to disappear for good or for them to ask for ransom later, if you are lucky that is) and so when this scruffy looking man flashed his id card u trust scarlet boy’s paranoid meter went into overdrive
Policeman: I say stop and identify you!
Scarlet boy: (see me see wahala) yes can I help you?
Policeman: (flashing his “id” so fast all I see is a blur) I'm a police officer, what are you carrying in that bag
Scarlet boy: (laughing) Mr. Police officer, let me see your id card again
Policeman: (getting angry) you are demanding to see a policeman’s ID card?
Scarlet boy: (ah ah) Mr. Officer, I did not see your id card the first time, so is it a crime to see it? Look, if you don’t want to show me your id card, let me be on my way!
Policeman: (grabbing my shirt) oya lets go to the station
Scarlet boy: (ha na today? removing his hand) why are you holding me like a thief? Come on remove your filthy hands from my shirt, do you know how much this shirt cost? (not much believe me) ok, Mr. officer, let’s go, in fact I see a police station right ahead
Policeman: (swearing under his breath) you comot my hand, YOU COMOT POLICEOFFICER HAND!!! u say you wan see my id card, you go see am inside cell today
Scarlet boy: (shouting) you think I don’t know my rights…
We get to the police station
Policeman: (to the policewonan behind the counter) imagine this small boy deh ask make I'm see my id card!
Policewoman: ehn, where in deh! Make I'm enter cell first
Scarlet boy: (looking alarmed) on what grounds? officers, it hasn't come to that…
Policeman: Shut up! Oya shey you wan see my id card? (thrusting it in front of my face) see am!
And he goes to show me one laminated and very faded id card that even an agbero can make and use to denge pose
Scarlet boy: ok, corporal Henry, how can I help you?
Policeman: (clapping his hands) Ehen, oyibo you wan show me say na only you go school abi? Oya wetin you carry for that bag?
Scarlet boy: oh, it’s a laptop computer
Policeman: na your own?
Scarlet boy: yes Mr. officer
Policeman: oya, your id card and proof of ownership
(I hand him my driver’s license and laptop receipt)
Policeman: na wetin make you deh disrespect me for outside abi? because you deh unibend I sure say na because of people like una dem deh strike, I short make you enter cell small jare
Scarlet boy: (discarding his dictionary) wetin I do, na so una deh put people for cell?
Policeman: my friend, obey before complain
Scarlet boy: I resemble zombie?
Policeman: ok, you deh resist arrest abi?
Scarlet boy: no but I'm not entering your cell until you tell me what I’ve done!
Senior police officer (DPO): what’s all the noise here for (looking at me) you again?
Now before you guys have a wrong impression, let me explain. I had been arrested on two previous occasions at the computer village for being in possession of computers without receipts, trust me it’s not my fault, my people in obodo keep on sending me things without receipts, I'm suspecting they… anyway, the last time was serious, I was actually taken to the station and would have been locked up if not the timely intervention of my older bro who happened to know this particular DPO and so after plenty apologies and promises, I was let go and had a police escort for the day just in case…
DPO: what is it again?
Policeman (saluting) ha oga you know am?
DPO: yes, he’s my friends younger brother (turning to me) so what happened, what are you doing here?
And I go on to narrate everything that happened much to the dismay of the police officer who has been stealing glances and cutting eye for me
DPO: Henry, is this correct?
Policeman: no oh, oga na lie…
Scarlet boy: (totally enjoying this) oya Henry tell am wetin happen?
DPO: I don’t even want to hear it! (turning to me) sorry, don’t mind this inept oaf (ok, I added the last two words) abeg go about your business and you can be sure I will deal with him, so how is your brother…
And that’s how once again, this DPO saved me from the hyenas under him, omo, it’s good to know people oh!Anyway, Papa C being Papa C decided as he sometimes does to change the look and feel of the house (cheers), I mean, some of the stuff he was changing were older than me (just joking) but seriously, the house needed it and so out went the chairs, gen, curtains… and trust Papa C, he took his preferred role when we do such things at home “the general supervisor”. As for my younger bro, he got a heads up from my elder sister about my dad’s plans and ran to my brothers place in Lekki leaving me with Papa C! Ok, Papa C what color should the chairs take? And Papa C was like “I don’t know, you people should decide” this meant sending pictures of the cloth samples to all the members of my family and waiting for them to voice their comments, so we finally chose one, only for Papa C to choose another and give the guy making the chairs and I was like “Papa C why did you make me go through all this stress if you had one in mind” You just hear what Papa C said? “I just wanted to hear your opinion, after all I'm the one paying for it and in fact you people don’t even have style, imagine having chairs of that color and pattern in MY living room, I would have thought that with all the training and exposure… ” trust Papa C he went on and on… Ha my life!
Policeman: I say stop and identify you!
Scarlet boy: (see me see wahala) yes can I help you?
Policeman: (flashing his “id” so fast all I see is a blur) I'm a police officer, what are you carrying in that bag
Scarlet boy: (laughing) Mr. Police officer, let me see your id card again
Policeman: (getting angry) you are demanding to see a policeman’s ID card?
Scarlet boy: (ah ah) Mr. Officer, I did not see your id card the first time, so is it a crime to see it? Look, if you don’t want to show me your id card, let me be on my way!
Policeman: (grabbing my shirt) oya lets go to the station
Scarlet boy: (ha na today? removing his hand) why are you holding me like a thief? Come on remove your filthy hands from my shirt, do you know how much this shirt cost? (not much believe me) ok, Mr. officer, let’s go, in fact I see a police station right ahead
Policeman: (swearing under his breath) you comot my hand, YOU COMOT POLICEOFFICER HAND!!! u say you wan see my id card, you go see am inside cell today
Scarlet boy: (shouting) you think I don’t know my rights…
We get to the police station
Policeman: (to the policewonan behind the counter) imagine this small boy deh ask make I'm see my id card!
Policewoman: ehn, where in deh! Make I'm enter cell first
Scarlet boy: (looking alarmed) on what grounds? officers, it hasn't come to that…
Policeman: Shut up! Oya shey you wan see my id card? (thrusting it in front of my face) see am!
And he goes to show me one laminated and very faded id card that even an agbero can make and use to denge pose
Scarlet boy: ok, corporal Henry, how can I help you?
Policeman: (clapping his hands) Ehen, oyibo you wan show me say na only you go school abi? Oya wetin you carry for that bag?
Scarlet boy: oh, it’s a laptop computer
Policeman: na your own?
Scarlet boy: yes Mr. officer
Policeman: oya, your id card and proof of ownership
(I hand him my driver’s license and laptop receipt)
Policeman: na wetin make you deh disrespect me for outside abi? because you deh unibend I sure say na because of people like una dem deh strike, I short make you enter cell small jare
Scarlet boy: (discarding his dictionary) wetin I do, na so una deh put people for cell?
Policeman: my friend, obey before complain
Scarlet boy: I resemble zombie?
Policeman: ok, you deh resist arrest abi?
Scarlet boy: no but I'm not entering your cell until you tell me what I’ve done!
Senior police officer (DPO): what’s all the noise here for (looking at me) you again?
Now before you guys have a wrong impression, let me explain. I had been arrested on two previous occasions at the computer village for being in possession of computers without receipts, trust me it’s not my fault, my people in obodo keep on sending me things without receipts, I'm suspecting they… anyway, the last time was serious, I was actually taken to the station and would have been locked up if not the timely intervention of my older bro who happened to know this particular DPO and so after plenty apologies and promises, I was let go and had a police escort for the day just in case…
DPO: what is it again?
Policeman (saluting) ha oga you know am?
DPO: yes, he’s my friends younger brother (turning to me) so what happened, what are you doing here?
And I go on to narrate everything that happened much to the dismay of the police officer who has been stealing glances and cutting eye for me
DPO: Henry, is this correct?
Policeman: no oh, oga na lie…
Scarlet boy: (totally enjoying this) oya Henry tell am wetin happen?
DPO: I don’t even want to hear it! (turning to me) sorry, don’t mind this inept oaf (ok, I added the last two words) abeg go about your business and you can be sure I will deal with him, so how is your brother…
And that’s how once again, this DPO saved me from the hyenas under him, omo, it’s good to know people oh!Anyway, Papa C being Papa C decided as he sometimes does to change the look and feel of the house (cheers), I mean, some of the stuff he was changing were older than me (just joking) but seriously, the house needed it and so out went the chairs, gen, curtains… and trust Papa C, he took his preferred role when we do such things at home “the general supervisor”. As for my younger bro, he got a heads up from my elder sister about my dad’s plans and ran to my brothers place in Lekki leaving me with Papa C! Ok, Papa C what color should the chairs take? And Papa C was like “I don’t know, you people should decide” this meant sending pictures of the cloth samples to all the members of my family and waiting for them to voice their comments, so we finally chose one, only for Papa C to choose another and give the guy making the chairs and I was like “Papa C why did you make me go through all this stress if you had one in mind” You just hear what Papa C said? “I just wanted to hear your opinion, after all I'm the one paying for it and in fact you people don’t even have style, imagine having chairs of that color and pattern in MY living room, I would have thought that with all the training and exposure… ” trust Papa C he went on and on… Ha my life!
