Birthday blues...

Happy Birthday to me, Yes ME SCARLETBOY!!! Am gradually edging towards my mid 20’s now (damn, I feel old) asin… I can still remember those days… (a dreamy look in my eyes) anyway, that’s another story for another day, so, birthdays for me have always been fun but this year ehn… let’s just say that I DON’T advise anyone to spend their birthday alone cos e no just make sense at all, trust me I nearly went loco on Sunday, it was just me, a bottle of Teroldego Rotaliano (obviously taken from Papa C’s stash) and my thots and trust me that’s the worst combination on a day that’s supposed to be fun, the only person I expected stood me up asin who does that on ur birthday!? Well we deh see like that sha, the only good thing was that my friends that couldn’t be at my place decided to bombard my facebook page phone and mail with birthday wishes, gosh I felt sooooooo special especially when I read what people had to say about me in my mails and text messages… I was near tears (sniff).
I’ve finally decided to resume (school that is), guess im tired of staying at home (im surprised im actually admitting this!!)or cos im getting broke or could it be that… sha ive decided to go back to unibend and face my final semester. And on a final note, I want to thank God for allowing me add another year to my life, for my family and wonderful friends and lastly you guys reading this blog!
Ciao.

HOME ALONE...

So… Papa C decided it was time to renovate his house in b-side and as usual asked me to come along for the ride, and trust ur boy now… once bitten twice shame (the lagos experience), I quickly formed one excuse that I needed to round up some things in lag before resuming school (that’s if asuu extend their 2 weeks) and funny enough, my dad who is quick to see through such lies bought the idea. The truth is that I enjoy being alone at home, I get to do a lot of things I wouldn’t do normally when someone is in the house with me. Now before I start getting the sly looks and all please remove your mind from the gutter, when I’m alone at home I’m ALONE!! I get up when I want to, watch whatever I want to, I’m free, I can cook by 12am, sleep by 6am and get up by 5pm. I totally screw my system when I’m alone and not to mention the experiments I conduct, this time it was how to make pepper soup, yes pepper soup. Now among my many talents, trust me cooking is not one of em, and so to save myself the embarrassment of people throwing up and stuff when they eat my food, I first test anything new on myself and if it passes the test then trust me, it’s good for eating. So see me strolling to the market with a friend in tow got the other ingredients (meat, fish, turkey… u go fear concoction now…) and then went looking for the most important, the spices. So after spending 30 minutes looking for the shop I finally located the lady selling the spices. Ok, cooking time, I just poured the spices and waited for it to boil… you go fear severe purging 3 hours later now…

So my birthday comes up on Sunday (blushing) yeah I know, I’m getting older by the minute and I’ve started receiving calls from people who I haven’t heard from in eons asking me how the day will be, one asked me if I was going to throw a party and was even helpful in suggesting venues, I just tire!! Anyway let me get back to my British comedy (which I’m strangely addicted to thanks to BBC entertainment!) and laze around some more…

P.S

Any tips on how to dump someone without hurting her feelings too much? I really could use the advice right now.

I don tire...

Gosh, it’s been sooooo loooooooooong!!! Sorry, I have been sooooooo lazy, can you imagine, I’m too lazy to eat, sleep, hang out, and take a shower (just joking) in short ASUU has turned me to a zombie. Suffered a serious bout of depression some weeks ago, I was very sad, saw all my friends and supposed classmates in private uni’s inviting me for convocations and grad parties… well like they say, it’s not by who finishes first… but it was enough to really send me into one of my moods. (sigh…) anyway, it is well… so yours truly scarlet boy has been up to no good as usual, I haven’t touched my project (too depressed to do that) and I seem to distance myself from everyone these days, I feel I’m gradually slipping into my anti-person mode, (sigh) to make matters worse, our president who by the way is the (wots the correct word…) most stupid person ever elected into public office in this country (taking a deep breath) decided in his wisdom to go to Saudi and open a university when the ones in his country are under lock and key!!!
In short I’m really depressed right now, would have been stuffing anything in my mouth right now (I eat a lot when I’m upset, strange how this never shows as my physique still remains the same) but I’m soooooooooo broke!!!
Anyway, enough of my whining, a lot of things have also happened oh…. Asin the gist plenty full ground!!! Don’t worry, I will post something juicy when I have the strength to sit up and type.
So I guess it’s just me, my new found girlfriend (my bed and her sister the pillow) and big brother Africa for now (which if I must say is by far the WORST big brother I have ever watched, its soooooooooo annoying and the housemates are so AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!) anyway, (taking a deep breath) I guess I’m not making any sense right now and will most likely delete this post when I am less depressed, but it just feels good writing/typing something even if its rubbish, so from yours truly scarlet boy its ciao
P.S
My birthday is coming up real soon, cant believe its my dad that reminded me, i actually thought i was born in november and not october as my dad was quick to point out (i don tire for uniHOUSE!!!) and on a final note, Love lives in strange places… just found that out…

Yeah... I SAID IT!!!

One thing about me is that i hardly get angry about things i see or hear, ive sorta developed a hard skin especialy when it comes to religious things cos like they say one mans meat is another ones poison, but a friend of mine told me about something a man of God did and it realy set me off, here goes

The man of God was giving a testimony about how God touched one brother to give him a car an all and after recieving the car told the brother to his face that though the lord instructed him (the brother) to donate his car that he would recieve it because of the lord but not drive it because it was beneath his standard. i was so pissedthat the man of God could actualy say this to the poor mans face and still tell his members in his church, was he expecting a standing ovation for doing a wonderful job? pardon my writing style and especialy my spellings, i havent been mad like this over something in a while and i may just be ranting but somehow i hope you get the message, this piece is my small observation on some things realy bugging me about our so called men of God, (gulp) enjoy...

He came in with a sirens blaring, guns locked and loaded and a trailer load of menacing looking mobile police men (mopol). Ordinarily, one would have thought that he was a dignitary or even a state governor judging the kind of cars he had in his convoy, a series of hummer H3 cars with him riding in the latest Mercedes jeep but alas, when the convoy finally stopped at the hall where the meeting was supposed to take place, out came a “man of God” (for obvious reasons I will not mention any ones name). Now one would have thought the man of god would at least appreciate his members/followers who braved the scorching sun to see him, for where, if you se the way our overzealous mopol were flogging with whips and pushing people away to make way for him as if they were a group of smelling bums, and the man of God seeing all this could not even caution his security aides but instead calmly walked inside the hall. I saw the video on my friend’s phone (he happened to be there to record it) and I was appalled! Why is it that the so called men of God whom are supposed to be the. A special fund was raised later on that semester to buy the same pastor a car, and I was like, why would I contribute my hard earned money towards buying a car for a pastor whose children (if he has any) will never suffer as long as the church is still in existence, who “jands like someone uses the toilet everyday”, why?
An article some time in a local newspaper described how a man of God had purchased a private jet amongst other things and questioned the rationale behind such a costly purchase and trust Nigerians, there was no name they didn’t call the columnist the next day, from the ant-Christ to a true born son of Satan! One member even gave a reason for the purchase, he said that it’s cheaper to use a private jet than to fly commercial, and since the “pastor” was always on the move, it was more of a necessity for him to have a private jet. Now I dont work at the airport, but everyone knows that it has and will always be more expensive to have a private plane compared to flying commercial, first of all you have to pay for the hangar that will house it, then pilots, engineers to service it constantly, the air hostesses, aviation fuel (which is freaking expensive), the airport authority to license the plane, landing fee at every airport you visit amongst other costs… compared to the cost of buying a first class ticket, I mean. An online aviation magazine e-how stated that the price of a good private jet would cost between $6 - $50 million, the cost of fuel for a four hour trip was from $30,000 apart from determining the size and flying range of the jet, other factors such as parking lot, landing fees, insurance, fueling, catering, crew and pilots are also identified as expensive necessities. E-How further revealed that aircraft management companies would require between $100000 to $200000 per year to take careof these needs depending on the size and usage of the jet.
Now in not victimizing or trying to paint these people black, I LOVE my God and try as much as possible to adhere to what the scripture says about how to live and all and seriously think some men of God are doing a really good Job but so many of them leave us asking a lot of questions than answers, and people always say “you don’t question a man of God” but I think the time has come for us to begin to ask questions, if I am a member of a fellowship or church and my pastor is living lavishly when I know his income is soley from the church and especialy if his status was not like this some time. why cant my pastor be called to answer on how he spends the finances of the churchJesus the son of God was very humble, the word christian sinply means christ like, so why dont these men of God emulate christ instead of terrorising their members with their fleet of expensive and constantly changing cars that most of them only see in movies... (taking a deep breath)

Now, I know religion is tied with sentiments, and most times people are often touchy when issues like this are brought up. If my history is correct, I remember the in middle ages, the monks and priests rose from being simple men of God to become worse than the kings and nobility in power, in terms of their level of corruption and materialism. But for once, lets set sentiments aside, be very rational and start asking questions because lets face it these are questions we are scared to voice out most times and frankly, it looks as if these men of God are now taking us for a ride, well… I SAID IT!!!!

Whats up with our so called super eagles??? i mean what the **** happened in abuja today?

Untitled...

Gosh, it’s been a week! First I had to go to the computer village in Ikeja, to get another laptop for my younger brother and one of the usual happened, I had just entered the market when someone walked up to me waved his “id card” so fast I swear it didn’t even see it, said he was a police man and that I should identify myself… (Now let’s pause here for a while let me say something, I heard on the radio that morning… I think it was on Brila 88.9fm that the new style these ritualists or kidnappers now get people is to either pose as EFCC officials and form carrying you away for questioning or knock you down with okada, form good Samaritan by offering to take you to the hospital or clinic only for you to disappear for good or for them to ask for ransom later, if you are lucky that is) and so when this scruffy looking man flashed his id card u trust scarlet boy’s paranoid meter went into overdrive
Policeman: I say stop and identify you!
Scarlet boy: (see me see wahala) yes can I help you?
Policeman: (flashing his “id” so fast all I see is a blur) I'm a police officer, what are you carrying in that bag
Scarlet boy: (laughing) Mr. Police officer, let me see your id card again
Policeman: (getting angry) you are demanding to see a policeman’s ID card?
Scarlet boy: (ah ah) Mr. Officer, I did not see your id card the first time, so is it a crime to see it? Look, if you don’t want to show me your id card, let me be on my way!
Policeman: (grabbing my shirt) oya lets go to the station
Scarlet boy: (ha na today? removing his hand) why are you holding me like a thief? Come on remove your filthy hands from my shirt, do you know how much this shirt cost? (not much believe me) ok, Mr. officer, let’s go, in fact I see a police station right ahead
Policeman: (swearing under his breath) you comot my hand, YOU COMOT POLICEOFFICER HAND!!! u say you wan see my id card, you go see am inside cell today
Scarlet boy: (shouting) you think I don’t know my rights…
We get to the police station
Policeman: (to the policewonan behind the counter) imagine this small boy deh ask make I'm see my id card!
Policewoman: ehn, where in deh! Make I'm enter cell first
Scarlet boy: (looking alarmed) on what grounds? officers, it hasn't come to that…
Policeman: Shut up! Oya shey you wan see my id card? (thrusting it in front of my face) see am!
And he goes to show me one laminated and very faded id card that even an agbero can make and use to denge pose
Scarlet boy: ok, corporal Henry, how can I help you?
Policeman: (clapping his hands) Ehen, oyibo you wan show me say na only you go school abi? Oya wetin you carry for that bag?
Scarlet boy: oh, it’s a laptop computer
Policeman: na your own?
Scarlet boy: yes Mr. officer
Policeman: oya, your id card and proof of ownership
(I hand him my driver’s license and laptop receipt)
Policeman: na wetin make you deh disrespect me for outside abi? because you deh unibend I sure say na because of people like una dem deh strike, I short make you enter cell small jare
Scarlet boy: (discarding his dictionary) wetin I do, na so una deh put people for cell?
Policeman: my friend, obey before complain
Scarlet boy: I resemble zombie?
Policeman: ok, you deh resist arrest abi?
Scarlet boy: no but I'm not entering your cell until you tell me what I’ve done!
Senior police officer (DPO): what’s all the noise here for (looking at me) you again?
Now before you guys have a wrong impression, let me explain. I had been arrested on two previous occasions at the computer village for being in possession of computers without receipts, trust me it’s not my fault, my people in obodo keep on sending me things without receipts, I'm suspecting they… anyway, the last time was serious, I was actually taken to the station and would have been locked up if not the timely intervention of my older bro who happened to know this particular DPO and so after plenty apologies and promises, I was let go and had a police escort for the day just in case…
DPO: what is it again?
Policeman (saluting) ha oga you know am?
DPO: yes, he’s my friends younger brother (turning to me) so what happened, what are you doing here?
And I go on to narrate everything that happened much to the dismay of the police officer who has been stealing glances and cutting eye for me
DPO: Henry, is this correct?
Policeman: no oh, oga na lie…
Scarlet boy: (totally enjoying this) oya Henry tell am wetin happen?
DPO: I don’t even want to hear it! (turning to me) sorry, don’t mind this inept oaf (ok, I added the last two words) abeg go about your business and you can be sure I will deal with him, so how is your brother…
And that’s how once again, this DPO saved me from the hyenas under him, omo, it’s good to know people oh!Anyway, Papa C being Papa C decided as he sometimes does to change the look and feel of the house (cheers), I mean, some of the stuff he was changing were older than me (just joking) but seriously, the house needed it and so out went the chairs, gen, curtains… and trust Papa C, he took his preferred role when we do such things at home “the general supervisor”. As for my younger bro, he got a heads up from my elder sister about my dad’s plans and ran to my brothers place in Lekki leaving me with Papa C! Ok, Papa C what color should the chairs take? And Papa C was like “I don’t know, you people should decide” this meant sending pictures of the cloth samples to all the members of my family and waiting for them to voice their comments, so we finally chose one, only for Papa C to choose another and give the guy making the chairs and I was like “Papa C why did you make me go through all this stress if you had one in mind” You just hear what Papa C said? “I just wanted to hear your opinion, after all I'm the one paying for it and in fact you people don’t even have style, imagine having chairs of that color and pattern in MY living room, I would have thought that with all the training and exposure… ” trust Papa C he went on and on… Ha my life!

Im Still Here!!!

Gosh how time flies... its now abouy 2 months since asuu decided to go on strike and sad to say i cant even remember what i did last semester. I had thought that i would be able to read and all during the "holls" but i see myself getting lazier by the minute.
I have finished my chapter 1 of my project (cheering and hi 5's all around) and hopefully plan to finish my chapter 2 before the end of this month. im still yet to write something intresting... but soon, when i re-charge and upgrade my brain from its hibernation, i will definately post something intresting. So from me its ciao.
Ciao

Dstv and other matters arising...

My fellow citizens of bloggsville, I'm BACK!!! Sorry for my absence, twasnt my fault. Ok, let’s see… I was very sick for like two weeks (the doctor said malaria, I know its ‘OWU’ a.k.a. lack of cash) and ive been struggling to regain my health and stuff. Then the case of my project, I feel like crying anytime I think about it, I don’t seem to be making any headway in mine, I'm still suck in chapter one, its as if whenever I want to type or work on it I loose all my inspiration In short, I run out of ideas.

Before I continue, I want to get something off my chest. I recently got re-acquainted with facebook while on my sick bed (well… there was nothing better to do). Frankly, I’ve never seen what the big deal is about this website, ok you can connect with your long lost friends and classmates and stuff and find out what they are up to, but to be honest facebook has become a nuisance! It’s no surprise to see a (taking unibend as an example) student on facebook, even till 5 minutes to their exams and opera mini has made it so accessible to all as with 0.00 naira you can browse and sleep in facebook. Now talking about people’s status, this is supposed to like show or tell people what ur doing at the moment abi? (that’s why its called a status update, duh!!) but trust naija, some people’s status sometimes fill a whole page, seriously! Then there was the Michael Jackson week, I nearly ran mad!!! In short, I don’t want to talk about it, its upsetting enough that I’m a fan (always have been, always will be a fan of the king of pop, Michael Jackson) And then there is talk about irrelevant things and events in ur life that frankly should only be known to you, who wants to know that you just got laid or 3 people are dying for you and shit. We sometimes over do things, one guy went as far as going graphic on his status I mean….. don’t we know the meaning of PG13? To some people its funny, I for one don’t send such things but lets be honest with ourselves, something’s that we sometimes post on facebook are uncalled for.

(taking a deep breath…) and now for the order of the day, this past week has been one of sorts, I got 2 new phones (blushing) bringing my tally of working phones at my disposal to 6! Seriously, phone no deh gree spoil for my hand, so I retired my “old faithful” Motorola L7 and LG KP230 for a Nokia 5220 xpresmusic phone and Sony Ericsson W710i, hmm… then my dad after some pressure decided that he was tired of watching the sub-standard programs on naija telly and decided to persuade the powers that be for DSTV. Ok, finished the installation and stuff, see me running up and down like a mad man trying to activate this account, from Saturday till they answered me on Monday, it was either call back in 2 hours or we have done it , or the smart mouths telling me how to operate a decoder! Asin,

DSTV GUY: ok, Mr. scarlet boy, is this account yours?

SCARLETBOY: (see me se trouble…) yes its my account

DSTV GUY: are you sure the decoder is on?

SCARLETBOY: (see me see trouble, am I retarded now?) yes now its telling me error 105 (and I go on to read it out)

DSTV GUY: ok, change the channel to 209

SCARLETBOY: (taking a deep breath) it has been on this channel since Saturday!!!

DSTV GUY: ok, remove the smartcard, please be sure not to bend it or put it in water

SCARLETBOY: (chei, I don die) Mr. Operator or customer service..

DSTV GUY : the name is James

SCARLETBOY : (with your voice like Scooby doo) Ok, James am I a kid that will bend the smartcard or do you think this is the first time I have seen a decoder or I'm sure ur thinking that this is like the 9^th wonder of the world abi?

DSTV GUY : I didn’t mean that, one cant be too careful…

SCARLETBOY : (raising my voice) Or I tell you say na kitchen the decoder deh abi?

DSTV GUY : Ehm… I'm sorry for that statement

SCARLETBOY : MSCHEEEEEEEW, sorry for yourself you twit!

And in like 5 minutes the bloody decoder started working and I was like, is it until someone shouts and stuff before u guys act? Now trust my father, (from now on, Papa C) I had expected him to switch over to the winning side asin CNN and all but trust Papa C, lie lie, the man no gree at all, this guy na correct OLD SCHOOL!!! The first blow came only minutes after installation, Papa C said he wants to watch African magic, AFRICAN MAGIC!!!, ok, Papa C watch your home videos, by 8pm when I was gearing to watch MTV or a movie, my guy say I'm wan watch AIT news and I was like no problem Papa C, watch it on normal T.V, for where, the man said he wants to watch it on DSTV, see me se wahala…

SCARLETBOY: But Papa C, we have AIT on normal T.V,

Papa C: ehn, I know but that one makes my eyes pain me

SCARLETBOY: (ooh… na now u know say ur eye deh pain u abi, since when you deh watch this AIT, your eye no deh pain you abi?) ok Papa C, watch your AIT.

From AIT to NTA to CHANNELS, this man was watching all the local stations on DSTV and was even about to watch another home movie that they were showing on one of the local stations when I reminded him that come oh, u said you were tired of watching local stations abi, why are you still watching them on DSTV? And do you know how annoying it is for the whole house to watch what you are watching!!! But still he’s my Pa, and I love him so so much. Anyway, In my haste to get back home, I forgot my zoom data card in school, and now I have to settle for one cyber café down the road that has a very rude punk ass as its operator. And, since ASUU has decided to be ASUU, I'm stuck here for a while…

Until I come your away some time very soon, I remain yours sincerely Scarlet boy wishing you a blessed and fun filled week.

Ciao

Random Mussings......

Time flies... I finally finished my exams on Monday only to hear that the great ASUU had decided to go on an indefinite strike, and trust unibend, the school cleared in a couple of hours... thankfully, I was able to write my last paper for the semester thanks to Prof. Okojie’s (a.k.a MADDAM) influence... so after exams me and the guys decided to hang out over a copula beers and just chill, little did I know that I was to become the main issue that night. It turns out that moi, scarlet boy has not been doing well to his friends and generally making a fool of himself in the name of love (if it can be called that). Hard and cold accusations backed up by facts that even I couldn’t deny, and so I've been shown the correct path, but the simple truth of that night was that I found out that I have true friends who might not take a bullet for me but were willing to look me dead in the eye and tell me my mistakes (which truly I never knew were that much) and the way forward, and for that I’m truly grateful, it took a lot of guts.

Now thanks to ASUU, I’ve been reduced to a very jobless individual, with lots of sleep, sleep and more sleep!!! But like a "scholar" (I claim it) I have my mind on my project and my project on my mind. I can’t even imagine that I haven’t even started; this goes to show how serious Mr. Scarlet boy is!

I’ve been wanting to ask a general question, why is it that when a guy wants a gal so bad and he shows such likeness, she mostly shuns him but when that moment has passed and the guy has gotten over her, that sorta likeness now starts coming from her own end? The same applies to the guys. Now I have thought about it time and time again and I want to clarify the question by giving 3 examples using myself as a case study.

Case1 – the ex…

I dated a gal sometime last year and thought we were in love (if that truly exists) all for us to end cos according to her (I’m sure I’ve mentioned this in one of my previous posts)she couldn’t cope with the distance and stuff (she was in Lagos and I was based in Benin as per school and all) and I'm not ashamed to say this any time any day, I practically begged to work something out (although the fault was mine cos I broke up with her first and all) and she declined saying all sorta things and giving all type of excuses. So I did the hardest thing, I let her go and got a grip of my life, in other words, I moved on. Now my own version of moving on is no calls, txt messages, no sympathy visits and such. I just keep my distance, and so like a month ago, I get a message from her telling me how much she’s been missing me and then the calls keep coming and I'm like ki lo de? This is someone I haven’t seen or hasn’t bothered to call me and stuff telling me this and that whether we can still work things out and stuff (ok, she wasn’t that direct but I got the message) and what comes to mind is that, why did it take you more than a year to remember that you missed me and stuff? Or wasn’t the grass greener over there?

Case 2 – The Friend…

Now, this gal goes into my list of maybe’s. Now because of this chic, I broke one of my most sacred rules of dating aside from dating a friend’s sister which is dating the ex of a friend. Now, before you start criticizing me and stuff let me explain. We were close in our year one but from 2 we drifted apart to the hello, hi kind of guys. Anyway, the babe became friendly and stuff and trust Scarlet boy, I became friendly too, as they say, you cant have too many friends. After a while, I noticed that she was becoming more than friendly and we talked about that and she said and I quote "it doesn’t matter", I talked about it with my friends and they also gave me the green light, so like any red blooded guy, I "did well", I started showing her attention and stuff and all went well till the day I finally asked her out and after stalling asked me about my friend and I was like see me see trouble, I asked you this question some time ago and there was nothing wrong with the whole idea of us getting close, but now when I’m loving up, you are asking me about him. the next thing she said was for me to give her some time, since we were in the festive season as in, December and all, so I gave her till the new year to decide and boy did she have her answer then, I quote "scarlet boy, I really like you but my friends are saying that our going out is a bad idea" and that ended it. That was 2 years ago. I called her sometime last week to ask how exams and all had been for her and she was all missing and stuff and I was like what the... this is someone that downright rejected me and even a very reliable source told me that if I was to ask her out right now, she would readily agree, and I'm like???

Case 3 – The not too smart guy…

Now I never believed I would turn down someone in my life, enter... what shall I call her... ok lets call her B. Now, B came at a time when all was going well for me, I wasn’t as broke as I am these days, the chicks were all liking me and stuff and generally, I felt like I had the whole world at my feet. Then came my secret admirer, she started by calling and stuff and when that didn’t work, she asked for a meeting, we met and I saw that she was...ok... but since I had seen other chicks that had more "prospects" so I shunned her, avoided her and even when she gave herself to me on a platter of gold, I turned her down. In short, I was a complete asshole. Now I’ve been thinking of her of late, I think its because I see her friend like everyday (she’s my neighbor) so I met her online last week and we got chatting and stuff and I just started feeling things I normally didn’t feel for her before, it was like someone opened a reservoir and my emotions tumbled out, I told her my mind and she simply sent a laughing smiley and the next thing I see is a picture of her kissing another guy, and I was like what the???

Now using the given examples, what do you think is wrong with people or to bring it home, what is wrong with the people I meet, its either they realize too late that they like me ormyself realizing that I like them too late or… it’s as if like the poem I posted in an earlier post, I'm confused, they are confused and in short we are all a bunch of confused people.

I'm outa here.

P.S

I'm developing a crush on someone, its now so bad that I now have dreams of her, please miss… whoever you are, where can I see you again (she’s gone home thanks to ASUU, oh my bed’s so gonna be cold for a while lol).

The Tip Of The Iceberg...

Exams, exams, exams… this is by far the most stressful exams Unibend has conducted first, there was the ASUU strike (don’t get me started on that…) that ended in them shifting my exams forward by 2 weeks, about what I did in those two weeks, hmm… another story for another day. And unibend in their own bendly way decided to make things more interesting. After a week of exams, they issued a circular stating that the exams will be ending the upper week!!! U go fear rushing now, some people had two exams on the same day, which was not like a new thing for my class since in our year 1 they made us write 3 exams on the same day! Others had on Sunday, SUNDAY!!!
And so my department, the one and only (in their small minds) economics and statistics decided that they were tired of using their lecturers as invigilators (like we even have up to 15 lecturers) and decided to use the non teaching staff as in, secretaries, drivers and so on to invigilate. Trust my classmates, there were ecstatic looking for the best possible option, whether E’pa or his crew were involved (now, E’pa is…how do I put this… a serious runs man, he works for the former HOD or the current HOD anyway, when E’pa has your back, boy are you covered. He is very helpful when it comes to re-arranging ur seatmates and all…) anyway these non academic staff virtual turned our halls into market places where using of chuckuli a.k.a. missiles, bomb, bullets, expo… were fully sanctioned, with a price of course.
Anyway my exams have turned me to a vampire or a nocturnal creature and trust students now, during exams there’s no available space for reading night or day and so my favorite reading spot, pharmacy a.k.a. bedbugville became infested with the serious, the unserious and the clowns who just come to class to constitute or sleep as if they don’t have homes… Anyway yesterday, I was at one bouka like that trying to satisfy my tummy before reading when something very funny happened. Now, girls before you look at me as a hater or something let me say this I LOVE GIRLS, frankly, I don’t know what we guys will ever do without u guys but sometimes una deh FUCKUP!!! Now like I said I was in a bouka eating and grumbling on the quantity of the food compared to the price I was paying then these two guys walked in with two girls in tow, now these girls had chicken republic take away packs with them and I guessed that they were just from there cos the girls were still eating their ice cream like some 2 year olds and really flaunting their packs. Now for those of you who don’t know, sorry to say the typical unibend girl is…HUNGRY!! Open a new joint and you see all of them looking for a potential maga that will take them out… anyway like I was saying, the guys sat down and ordered for food, and I was like ki lo de? Are you guys not from chicken republic, what are you doing in a bouka? Abi food don finish for that side? And while the girls ate their chicken and chips, the guys were busy with their 100 naira a plate rice, the sad part was that the girls finished their chicken and chips, asked for spoons and joined these guys to eat their small food, I overheard one of the guys saying that the food in chicken republic porges him and its only at boukas that he can eat without fear and I was like shey I resemble small pikin weh una go deh throw this kind lie for abi? Time to pay, the guys were out of money and when they asked the girls, trust the typical unibend girl, she said she didn’t have any money on her. Now, ask me how much they asked for, 50 naira and I was like for Gods sake how wont you have money with you!!! I just couldn’t take it any more, I had to leave before I would be “led by the spirit” to say something. Now why do girls do this, you make yourself so cheap in the eyes of guys. I remember a date I had with a girl some time back, at the end of lunch (it was at a respectable restaurant by the way) we were actually fighting for who would pay the bill, I had to convince her to pay for the taxi that would take us home at the end before she let go. Believe me girls, its things like this that trips a responsible guy, not one who is in it for the “wiping” I’m yet to see this in unibend, when a girl will just decide to spoil her boyfriend for a day, I have come across a lot of girls in my 4 years here and anytime I ask this, the response I get is “why will I spend for a guy”? or “guys are supposed to take care of us” what happened to the saying you girls readily quote “what a man can do, a woman can do better” does it not apply here or you use it at your own convenience, the girls over here (unibend) need to change their mentality and know that life is not about me! me! Me!!!, others are also involved, life is not always about the fast lane. Rolling with the car owners, gong clubbing and shit. There are times you should actually ask “what the fuck am i doing in school!!” a sad story was of the girls who because of a party left the school at past 2 am and headed to town to flex and ended up being sex slaves for the night. All for partly sums or no money at all, I mean has it come to that, that the typical unibend girl is known for one or 3 things, a very serious girl (10%), a nymphomaniac (60%) or a full blown… you do the maths. we really have a long way to go in this great school…
I’m finally finishing my exams on Monday next week and I’m so so tired, I pray I don’t have a nervous or a health breakdown soon with all the stress im going through right now!

Judgement Day...

(Gong, gong, gong…) the bell fag rings the bell for the last wake up call this session, gradually the school comes alive with junior students scurrying like rats, rushing to get water and trying in vain to look for their missing items (clothes, buckets and all…) shouts of “hey that junior boy!” rent the air as the lazier senior students look for an unfortunate junior student to get water or do demeaning chores for them (trust me, if u don’t think washing somebody’s boxers isn’t demeaning then…).
This was the scene every last day of the term but the highpoint was at the end of the session. I remember my time as a junior student. I dreaded this day because of the amount of work, gosh! We had to make sure the hostel was spick and span (hope I got that right, anyway I isn’t no English student jare... ) where was I… ehem, the seniors would pair us and make us do stupid things like slap ourselves, burst or pick their pimples like some lower primates if not that, there was the massage session or washing spree! But we did all this with gladness knowing it was only a matter of hours before school would officially be on break and all elements of seniority would end (at least for a month…) but like all things good, there was a bad side to the last day of the session, that was the day you got to see your result for the term and session and know if you were going to the next class or not. It was popularly known as “judgment day”. Now unlike many of you guys that went to “crème” schools, where your teachers first talked to you before giving you your result, which was usually in a sealed envelope and shit… my school announced the people that moved on to the next class, got promoted on trial, repeated, and those that were asked to withdraw from the school. Most times you never knew where you stood till they had passed your class. I remember my last judgment day vividly… I was in ss1, and we had been hearing rumors about the new rule that only allowed people with 6 credits and above including math’s and English to be promoted (believe me they enforced things like this to the letter, I’m a living example but that’s another story for another day…) anyway, and since yours truly sucked at math’s (back then if I may add) I was among the many students that prayed throughout the night for a miracle (ok, let me be honest, like 10 minutes, but that was a big step for me then). So by 12pm, the bell fag rang the bell for the special parade and after the long prayers and talks by different members of staff we got down to the main business of the day (now we always prayed something would happen to our commandant or the weather would make things easy for us, although there was this one time in my Jss2 that it rained throughout the day but trust my kill joy commandant, he made us do it by 7pm that evening!)
Commandant – “yes the name of those to repeat in jss1 silver”
Students – groan
And he went on and on till he got to my class…
Commandant –“ss1 emerald. Out of a class of 40, we have 32 people that passed, 8 repeat and 2 to withdraw”
Scarlet boy – “please God!”
Commandant –“those to repeat are as follows…”
Scarlet boy – “I’ll be good. I’ll give alms to the poor, I’ll stop being greedy, I’ll start going to church on Sundays! Ooh I’ll be soo GOOD!!!”
Commandant – “Number 1…”
Scarlet Boy – PLEASE GOD!!!!
And so the torture went on, believe me those 2 or so minutes were like 10 years, it was as if time stood still, everywhere was quiet with the occasional shriek or sobs by people whose name had been called, it was till he moved on to the next class that I actually realized that I made it! I gave a very big YES!! (That earned me 12 strokes of the bulalla or fan belt I really don’t remember) and hugs and kisses (yeah right, that sounded nice) to all my classmates for successfully moving on to the next class.
Yeah that was some day.

p.s
im starting exams on wednesday, thanks to ASUU. and im so not ready!! sha God Deh
Ciao...